Taylor Swift at the first night of The Eras Tour in Glendale, Arizona
“Just be yourself, there is no one better.” ~ Taylor Swift
Trigger Warning: Some brief discussion of depression and suicide.
To talk about an artist and a person who meant the world to you is no easy task. I mean what is there to say about something that has impacted you in a positive light in such simple words? Seems impossible, right? Well.. I'm going to try my best to talk about how Taylor Swift and her music has helped me to find my true self and become the person I am today.
Let's start things at the beginning. See for the longest time, I always have known about Taylor and her music for almost my whole life (at least since she has been in the music scene), but I didn't care that much about it or her. Not because I hate her or anything like that (which I didn't), it was more of the mentality I was having at the time that popular music sucks and anything that comes out of that "modern music factory" is like annoying empty garbage that brainwashed the mind and soul for all accounts. God, I want to go and punch my old self for thinking like that, because he's so wrong in so many levels. So because of that garbage take I had back then, I didn't give Taylor and her music a chance.
Flash forward to my freshman year of high school, and Taylor's fifth album "1989" dropped and broke tons of records and such. So while I was in my edgy phase where I would mainly listen to stuff like Pink Floyd, Green Day, Paramore, Radiohead, and The Beatles (which I still love them to this day), I decided to give Taylor's music a shot. Now at first, I would keep things at a secret, so that no one would know I listen to her and would make fun of me for liking it. I even "said" to myself "whatever, its not my type. I don't like this music." But that was all just a lie. Because once I was bitten by that radioactive spider (or radioactive snake in the context of Taylor Swift), I knew that I became a full blown Taylor Swift fan (or swifties as the cool kids say) and there was no turning back from it.
So I have been a fan of her since then. I have listen to all of her albums (my favorite is "Red (Taylor's Version)" if you're wondering what's my favorite Taylor album), watched a lot of her interviews to get more of an insight of who she is as a person, and just loving the whole experience of being a swifite. Not to mention that Taylor and her music helped me to get rid of that “modern music sucks, old music is better” mentality I was having back then and since then, I have explored into many artists working today that I love listening to and I can say are some of my favorite music artists/bands ever. Like Haim, Dua Lipa, Childish Gambino, Phoebe Bridgers, Kendrick Lamar, Janelle Monáe, Frank Ocean, Charli XCX, Japanese Breakfast, Houndmouth, just to name a few. And I can thank Taylor for helping to break that mentality and enjoying all types of music, as long if the quality of the music is good.
It’s also been interesting to see Taylor has gone through so much in her own personal life/career since my time of being a fan. From having different relationships that ended badly (whatever its with lovers or with friends), being involved with a lot of drama with different celebrities, developing an eating disorder, having her old records being sold off and not having the right to own them (which is incredibly stupid), and even disappearing from the media for like a year due to all the hate she was receiving. After all she been through, it’s great that she's able to get back up and keep doing what she loves. Which is of course, writing songs and producing music that she can share to millions of people like myself, and is able to find herself in a healthy state of mind (both physically and emotionally).
Throughout listening to Taylor's discography within the last 8 years, I have been finding myself just being memorized and amazed by her ability to take her own life story and incorporate them into her music and how different songs reflect on her life at different periods with different genres and how the lyrics and music can affect different people, like me. Like one song can be all cheery and happy that makes you think of some of the most fun times in your life (I have been recently been nostalgic for "22" and thinking about those times me being young and I had fun with my friends), then another song can be all sad and melancholy that makes you rememberer the sad and terrible stuff of your past and wished you did something different or get out of that terrible relationship you were in (with songs like "All Too Well" or "Sad Beautiful Tragic" as examples), and another song make you want to be in love and everything is all perfect in the world (with songs like "Lover", "Dancing With Our Hands Tied", and "Love Story" as examples). I mean talk a verity of musical vibes right there.
Now I know you're going to say, "Oh, well other music artists do this making different styles of music all the time. What makes Taylor Swift so special?" And to that I say, what makes Taylor so special is that she makes those experiences fell real within her music in a way that few music artists can pull off. Not just in terms of how the songs are being made, but within the way she incorporates the lyrics and ideas she master up into those songs. Within each song Taylor releases, she always finds a way to get the listeners into her world/mind and allows us to be apart of it that we can start imagine ourselves in those situations that Taylor went through (or in some cases, the headspaces of the characters she created in albums like "Folklore" and "Evermore"). Thus, making the listener feel a sense of emotions like sadness, anger, regert, loss, love, and inner peace that speaks into the inner soul of our own beings. And that brillant method of musical investment is present throughout all of her albums. I don't know how Taylor does it, but she knows how to make those transportive music experiences so raw, real, and exciting at the same time.
Now me praising Taylor and her musical ability is all cool and dandy, but how does Taylor and her music affected me on a personal level? Well let me tell you, and it will get personal. So buckle up.
When I was in high school, I was a deeply angry and depressed person who tried to act all positive and uplifting towards the people I interact with because it was the polite thing to do. Sure I like interacting with people at school, but there was that little voice inside of me that didn’t felt real or true to myself at the time. It was like I rather would spend my time being angry, depressed, and being in a bubble where I don’t let people in than to be out of it and be at ease with myself.
It was like I didn’t wanted to hurt anyone’s feelings, but at the same time, I didn’t want to do anything with them and constantly pushing them away from my life, even my own family and friends for crying out loud. I got lost, alone, confused, and some what suicidal. Wondering if there’s anyone who isn’t just to act nice for being nice and not doing it for the sake to make me better in a time where I didn’t want to be better.
But then Taylor's music came into my life and it has helped me to tear down those dark and depressing bubbles I was having and just starting to feel like I was happy for the first time in a long time. And not like the fake happy sort of deal, but genuine happiness that comes when something comes along that doesn’t judge or make fun of you, but rather like that best friend who understands the real you and wants to be by your side no matter what. And because of that, I was starting to do things like rekindle with my friends and family by talking to them in ways that like it came from a place of true happiness, going out and doing exciting things like running track in high school, and make tons of great memories that I will never forget. All of that I can't even imagine of doing when I was in that angry and depressed stage of my life.
Just listening to Taylor's music, I was able to find myself. That true self that was trapped inside for the longest time, waiting to be break free for the longest time, and was finally allowed to be shown in the brightest of spots. As a young teen, I was dancing and screaming the words to her songs in my kitchen with full basting speakers and my parents came in one day I was doing in when no one was home, resulting to an awkward look between me and them and ran back my to my room to make sure things were good and not more awkward than it already was. But as I got older, I sat down and listen to her music, getting my headspace into what she has ofter in her music and lyrics and realizing how personal many of her songs were to my own life that I even to start to cry because of it.
I won't go into specific details about my life and such, but songs like "Back to December" helped me realized that I don't need to give my heart to everyone I meet, because one day they will turn around and stab you in the back for being pieces of garbages to you and the feeling of regret that will come with it. Trust me, I know this because I have had tons of experiences like that in the past and they were not pretty. Another song from hers that affected me recently is "this is me trying", and that's because of how much the song talks about one's attempt on trying to improve themselves after a downfall in their lives (whatever its with addictions, or acting terribly, etc). I remember listening to that song while driving home from a party one night, and I started to cry because the lyrics, the music, and Taylor's vocal delivery on that song just hit me on such a personal level, and it made me think back about the choices I made and regretted, and just trying my best to be better and grow from it, even when no one has/will notice. There's a lot of other Taylor songs that hit me on a personal level, but I don't make this more of a therapy session than it needed to be.
I will admit, there was times I denied being a fan of Taylor and her music, because I didn't wanted to be judged and be made fun off by those who said "Oh you like Taylor Swift? Thats LAME". Of course its totally fine if you don't like her or her music and such (just don't be an asshole to those who disagree with you, say you disagree but respect their opinions, and move on with your life), but those thoughts sometimes just kept creeping up to me and said that I shouldn't love her or her music at all and just fit in the crowd who think its lame to like Taylor Swift. The voices came and I tried to block them to where I would scream and cry "MAKE IT STOP". But then I remembered something Taylor once said " People are going to judge you anyway, so you might as well do what you want." So I just took those thoughts, ko them Super Smash Bros style, and just continued to listen to her music and be a fan as nothing happened.
So with me being a fan of Taylor Swift for so many years, it was inevitable that I would see her live and performing the songs I have loved on stage, and earlier this month (it will be April by the time I'm writing this piece), I was lucky enough to go to The Eras Tour in Tampa, Florida, and it was maybe the greatest experience of my life. Just being in the same room as Taylor is something I'm still processing about. Being around thousands upon of thousands of fans, screaming, dancing, and singing to the songs she performed (I lost my voice by the end of it all, but it was worth it), seeing Taylor can switch between big spectacle staging, and the moments where she’s doing more acoustic performances in a way that a few artists can pull off, and just being real with the audience at hand. I'm still lost in words with the fact I saw an artist that meant so much to me live with my own eyes, and I don't think I will ever be emotionally recovered from it. I will do anything I can to see her live again, even if it means giving up my whole bank account.
To cap all of this up, Taylor Swift is no doubt a musical queen and one of the finest music artists of our time. Everything that people have praised about her and her music is true that there's no need to say it again. But perhaps more importantly, Taylor and her music has helped me to find my true self that was lost in a bubble of depression and sadness, and burst into something beautiful, joyful, and happy that true and authentic. As well as opening myself to talk to you about everything in this post to the best of my abilities.
I didn’t care that my family or friends made fun of me for liking Taylor and her music (because you know it’s not common for guys to like Taylor and her music), all I cared is that she and her music helped me through so much of my formal years as a young adult (and even now as well) and made me into a better person. Whatever it might be dancing, singing, and crying to her songs out loud with no shame, or just watching her interviews and get more insight of her as a person, or even being deeply moved by her ways of storytelling through music, Taylor has impacted me on a deep personal level that only a few artists (movie, music, etc) can actually achieved.
And as weird as it sounds (and I don’t care if I get make of by saying it), I probably wouldn’t be where I’m at today if it weren’t for Taylor Swift and her music. Like I wouldn’t have broken my “new music sucks” mentality I had back then and start listening to tons of great artists from todays age. I wouldn’t have been able to talk to other people about the things I love both online and in real life and have genuine conversations and relationships that don’t fake but rather feel real and authentic. I wouldn’t have broken that dark and depressing bubble that cause me to be suicidal and start to feel happy and joy. I may not have been even fucking alive if it weren’t for Taylor and her music being there and understanding me when no one else would.
I know I'm not alone on this, because I know that anyone who's reading this and is a Taylor Swift fan can probably relate to this in some way or form (or this can be applied to any other music artist/band outside of Taylor), and if this blog post/my story can speak to them in anyway or form, then it makes the whole experience of writing/sharing it worth it.
So Taylor, if you are reading this post (which I don't know if you are or not, but in case you are), I just wanted to say. Thank You. Thank you for being your true authentic self both in the way you show yourself to the public and within your music. Thank you for your ability to get through some of the most difficult periods of your life and never loosing yourself in the process (which is so inspiring to those who are facing with something similar in their lives). And most importantly, thank you making people who are confused, and lonely like me feel happy and free, help me to spark my creativity and passion for all things art, and help me to have a bright future as a better person. Thank you.
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